Friday, November 7, 2008

Re-Posting from the Archives Again. :0) (Hey, Xmas is around the corner!)


I’m not the type of person who needs very much in life.
As long as the bills are paid and no one is threatening to shut anything off or take something away, I’m a very content person. Oh yeah, food in the house is a plus. Sure, I won’t lie and say I don’t love technology, cool gadgets, fixing up my home and things of that sort, but materialism isn’t something I’m addicted to. I could live without it. It doesn’t take much to please me at all. In fact I’m the happiest person on earth when all I own is security.

Like for instance, the security of toilet paper. Nothing makes me feel more like I have a million bucks than a 36 roll package of quality toilet paper. I feel like…life is beautiful owning that much certainty. Just knowing you can go anytime and not have to hold it or worse, search for something similar, is pure ecstasy.
You know what I’m talking about! Don’t act like you’re above it. It happens to everyone. Not men though, in the case of #1, because you can just shake it off. But for females, it’s a double shot. (don’t even get me going about how females got the short end of the stick (no pun intended) in terms of bodily functions). That is a totally different tangent.

Anyhow, back to the abundance of toilet paper and cloud 9.
I am just thrilled beyond belief when I bring home a GINORMOUS package of toilet paper. Crack has nothing on double rolls! I take it all out, fill the cabinets that are positioned right in front of the toilet until they are jam packed and then I top it off with a huge pyramid I like to call QUILTED HEAVENLY PEACE OF MIND. I could sit and stare at it for hours. The cabinet doors are glass, so it’s just a wonderful view during every experience in the bathroom.

This is what makes me such a great person to buy presents for. I would love to receive a GINORMOUS package of toilet paper for Christmas. You would think my husband would figure this out and use it to his advantage, but no, as usual he has to go against the grain and come home with a measly generic brand, 1-ply 4 pack. I know he does it to annoy me! We have 5 people in our house. 3 of us are female ‘for you know whose sake’! So, dearest of family & friends out there who are reading this, especially those of you who shop at Sam’s or Costco, when you’re strolling the paper isle (or skipping as I do) think of me. Try it out for yourself. You’ll call me and thank me! By the way, my birthday is coming up in June and my favorite brand is Cottonelle. Splurge, I’m worth it! :0)

282 comments:

1 – 200 of 282   Newer›   Newest»
Cunning_Linguist said...

I actually thought about this very post and the subject matter not all that long ago. I feel pretty darn rich and special when I bring that 32 roll triple thick pack into the house. It's that feeling of "Ahhhhhhh. Incase I have to shut myself in for 3 months, at least I can still wipe my bottom like a human being". I get the same feeling when I get the mega size pack of paper towels as well.

Mother Theresa said...

Oooh yes, lots of fluffy, squeezable toilet paper! That is the stuff life is made of. We usually have a giant pack in each bathroom...goes along with the super stash of, um, "feminine supplies". ;)

Mother Theresa said...

Hey girl! You've been tagged! :)

Captain Smack said...

Huh? You're re-posting? We're allowed to do that? I had no idea. Geez, if I had known that, I might not have gone into a coma for a year.

Hey, let me know when you come out of your own coma, eh? Happy New Year!

Cunning_Linguist said...

She's refusing to come out of her coma. I've e-mailed and begged and promised to show her you in the shower and everything, Captain. No response.

That was my trump card and I have nothing else left in the arsenal.

I hate it when they get all "oh, I have to live real life for a while" on ya.

UBERMOUTH said...

C'mon April!!!!
Time to post!

Zoning Out Again said...

I'm waiting to thaw out to get back to posting! Especially since I used to be in the top 10 on Humor Blogs and now I'm down in the 800s.

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