BALDING BY THE MINUTE!!!

Well people.....it's that time again in my life where I tear out large patches of hair from my head, chew my fingers down to the nubbs and grow a ginormous stress belly.

Another one of my off spring has decided to proceed with turning sixteen next month. No matter how huge an internal conniption fit I throw, she still insists on going ahead with it.

Next month one of my sweet little girls will be driving!!!!!!

Driving me insane that is!

I thought it would be a breeze when I taught my son to drive; Little did I know I should have worn adult diapers and taken a couple of those cute little pills before I left the house each time we went out.

It was truly one of the most disturbing experiences of my life and I LOATH having to do it again! LOOOOAAAATH IT! ...and then I have to do it again next year for 'thank the lord' the last of the brood! Honestly, I would rather feel the pain of childbirth for a month. I'll even give up the smorgasbord of drugs they so kindly provide! Can I still get some of those for this occasion? Okay, okay. I'll wait to take them after each lesson. Whaaaat? I'll have a designated driver! Sheeeezz! For those of you men who've never experienced child birth let's say, 'I would rather take a sledgehammer to the old egg pouch'.

Anyhow, not only is this wonderful child (who can barely walk without falling or stumbling into something painful), planning to operate a moving vehicle amongst unsuspecting drivers, pedestrians and possibly farm animals; she is also planning a Sweet Sixteen party to commence in a little less than a month.

I'm supposed to attend my 20 year reunion in August.

I am destined to look like something from The Hills Have Eyes!

At least I'll have something to come back here and vent about for the next couple of months.

PLEASE SEND ME SOME DRUGS! PLEASE!!!!!

Oh and a special shout out to my mom for the wonderful curse she put on me!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks a lot! Love you too!!!!

(YOU SHOULD BE SENDING ME SOME DRUGS!).

Get your daily dose of crack over at Humor-Blogs!

TOM JONES INSURES HIS CHEST HAIR FOR 7 MILLION DOLLARS!

What the hell is this world coming to? Hell.
Exactly that. I can't believe they insured him given the melanoma high risk.

What exactly might happen to this incredible chest hair and who gives a rat's ......? Shouldn't it be gray by now? Does he dye it? I wonder if that was asked on the health screening questionnaire. Is it even possible to dye chest hair?
SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS FOR CHEST HAIR???

What constitutes submitting a claim?
A small brush fire breaks out spontaneously? Lice move in and claim squatters rights? What about all that hair that resides below his chest and what about the hair on his back? Maybe he could get a little more. What if his hair dye and tanning oil combust?

Who's boarding the silly train next? I can see it now.......
'SIMON COWELL INSURES THE STICK UP HIS BUTT'.

I'll stop before we're all bathing in a puke bath. Miss you guys! I'm back from my hiatus! A little grouchier these days, but I'll be back with short and sweet posts.

I've been gone so long I think I fell off the HUMOR-BLOGS list!

I REALLY HATE GREEN PEAS WITH A PASSION!!!

(Not all peas mind you. I don't mean to offend any of you pea lovers out there.
I do love snow peas!)
That's all. Just wanted to share that.
Happy New Year Everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and some new hair pics....

Have you checked out the new Humor-Blogs site yet? Diesel categorized all of our blogs and I found mine under 'Family'. So on that note, I won't feel guilty posting a little slide show of our snow experience out here in the North East these past couple of days. This is for all of my Cali peeps and basically any of you who don't get to experience this season. WE LOVE LOVE LOVE THE SNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Between all of the shoveling and hot cocoa we managed to get in a few snowball fights. Here is a small account of how we passed the time during last Thursday's storm.

What's In Your Bag?

Turn your volume up so you can hear me & click on the arrows at the bottom of the screen to navigate if you're impatient like I am. :0D If you're a Voicethread member, leave me a voice comment. If you aren't a member, check it out! Voicethread.com. Thanks for the heads up Joel of Crummy Church Signs





Check out what Theresa of The Rain In Spain has in her bag! And take a look at what Frogster carries in his pockets over at The Frog Bog

WOO HOO! I'M IN THE LINE UP!!!!

Even though I don't expect to win this one, I'm honored to be in the top ten!
I voted for myself which explains why I'm on the boards. Get over to Diesel's place MattressPolice and check out his caption contest. He's an amazing photoshop artist who super imposes himself into scenes and then people post their best caption submissions vying for a signed digital copy from the artist (no not Prince the Artist) and bragging rights with an "In Your Face" banner. The genius rigged the banner to bring the clicker back to his site.
I appreciate his blog pimping ways!
So get on over there and vote for your favorite caption. I'm partial to Crazy Aunt Bea from Central Snark Theresa from The Rain In Spain and Crummy Church Signs
Good Luck Everyone!

Opinion Polls & Market Research

NOPE...STILL HAVEN'T POSTED ANYTHING NEW

I'M PULLING A BRITTNEY!!!

Okay, maybe not as drastic as Brittney, and this is for a good cause.
I'm taking the girls and we're lopping off our hair for Locks of Love.
See all this hair?


It's all coming off in a couple of days! WOO HOO! I can't believe that people sell their hair instead of donating it to others in need! My hair grows fast so I'm just going to farm myself out! No that doesn't sound right, but you know what I mean!




Below is how it's going to look. I hope. :0)
I thought about going completely bald but winter is almost here! I also thought about piercing my cheeks. Have you seen that? It's so cool! If I were a full time artist, I would do it, but I doubt it will go over well in the Real Estate world.

I LOVE MY VERY FAR IN THE FUTURE FUNERAL HOME!!!!

Oh, it feels so good to take a break! Finally! Work is really going to kill me one of these days. Speaking of...I know this topic sounds really sick and twisted, but hey, what else can you expect from me? I just have to say that I have found my second to last final destination after I take the big old plunge.

I know, you’re thinking this topic might jinx me, but I’m writing it anyway.
I live a few blocks from this funeral home I’ve fallen in love with. Every time I drive by with my children in the car, I tell them ‘look everyone, it’s my funeral home. Wave!”
They think I’m demented. I call it being positive.

I must get it from my Mom. She and her husband purchased their plots already. They live in California and bought their plots in Chicago. After purchasing their plots during a visit, they took pictures of themselves standing on them, smiling and waving, then sent them to me! How sick is that? Pretty damn sick I tell you!

So here are a few photos of my funeral home. I don’t ask for much. I’m never materialistic, (my toilet paper fetish does not count). I never got the wedding of my dreams. (Either time). I didn’t get to buy my dream home. I could go on, but why be negative. My new goal is to be extremely positive, starting with looking forward to going out in style! I keep bringing this funeral home thing to the attentions of my family and friends hoping that someone will remember in 60 or so years that this is my dream funeral home. Isn't it beautiful? Go ahead...Click on the photos to enlarge them and get a good gander! Gander...where did that come from? I'm already talking like an eighty year old!


Even the hearse is beautiful.


The building is beautiful. The grounds are always beautiful.



If you’d like to start sending donations now, please do. Why wait until the last minute? People always ask for donations when someone dies don’t they? A little too morbid? Take a look at these photos and tell me you wouldn’t be just as excited.
I had always planned on being cremated, but if I could be put on display here, I wouldn't mind the thought of maggots later.

So here is my verbal wish online forever.
This funeral home, ballons, a picnic on the grounds, and a band. (no clowns please, unless they are from Cirque Du Soleil), pop corn and cotton candy.
HEY I GREW UP AS A JEHOVAH'S WITNESS AND I'VE MISSED OUT ON YEARS OF BIRTHDAY PARTIES, HOLIDAY PARTIES AND OTHER SUPERFICIAL STUFF. Oh yeah, positive....

So there it is: Write to me about where you can send the donations. :0)
I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I CAN'T WAIT FOR HALLOWEEN!!!!!

Last year I had the time of my life decorating for Halloween. It was the first year that I didn't have to chaperon my girls with 10-15 of their friends all over creation. Last year, another parent FINALLY did the deed. Don't get me wrong, I'm going to miss that phase in their lives when they were young enough to trick-or-treat, but it's pretty much over for them. Now that they're teenagers, they've informed me that last year was in fact the last year. I got to stay home for the first time and scare the crap out of little kids. If I remember correctly even the high school kids were freaked out a bit.
I know I've got a couple of months left still but this year I've got to out do last year! WOO HOO!!!!
Let me know if you have any good ideas.
I wish I had a hologram machine.
I'd love to create a grave yard with holograms of ghosts.