Wednesday, March 28, 2007

THE CRUST GESTAPO


First off I love my husband; however, he is a psycho when it comes to crust. Well, he’s pretty out there about a lot of things but this takes the cake (cake doesn’t have crust does it?).
I hate crust. He hates that I hate crust. I hate that he hates that I hate crust. He accuses me of influencing the children to hate crust. Who the hell cares! There is no nutritional value in crust is there? So what if I don’t make them eat every flippin crumb of dry, flakey, mouth dehydrating, dusty, evaporated, impoverished part of the whatever it is that happens to have inherited it.
Honestly, I hate and therefore the children hate; Crust from sandwiches, pop tarts, pot pies, PIZZA, waffles (I hate waffles all together), toast, pannini, the outer crust on pies, all types of pies (unless the crust is graham cracker), Tart Crust, Streusel Crust, braised and roasted domestic lamb shank with Gorgonzola Crust, Lasagna Crust, CRUSTY FRENCH BREAD and CRUSTY HARD ROLLS. I could go on and on but you get the point.

Anyhow, for the longest time, my husband would carry on about how wasteful I was and what a horrible mother I was because I refused to promote Crust and raise Crust loving offspring. I was labeled a loser because of my distaste for all Crust.

He used to threaten everyone in the house to “not dare touch another slice of pizza unless we had finished the outer crust of the slice we had on our plates”. Meanie!

It wasn’t until one day that I pitched a major protest by holding a piece of toast in the air and threatening to scrape it and disperse crumbs all over the floor sending him into shear panic and complete obedience. (I’ll have to write about his obsession with sweeping the floors, especially for show when guests come over. Look for that blog in the future).

Anyhow, he has since stopped with the Crust Gestapo antics about any crust from any type of food that we choose not to eat. Fear not though as he is onto other inconsequential rants about insignificant things. Thanks to diesel of http://www.mattresspolice.com/ (antisocial commentary), I was inspired to vent about my spouse’s antics and I am now feeling much better for it. My husband has many great attributes but I don’t need to vent about those so I will only focus on the negative. Hopefully, my ranting will inspire others to shamefully air out their dirty laundry online to complete strangers for the pure satisfaction of having had the very last word.
:0) Have a great day and feel free to throw out your crust in support of me and my children! DEATH TO CRUST!

8 comments:

Diesel said...

I'm so glad you got the gist of my Snark post. Personally, I love crust. We go to Costco and have pizza for dinner and I eat everybody else's crusts. Sometimes they have to chase me out of the dumpster at night.

Random Ponderings said...

I should have known you'd be a Crust Lover. I won't hold it against you. In fact...I could mail you all of our crust, and just maybe my husband will forgive me and let me sleep in house again! It's a win-win situation!

Tracey said...

Death to crust! I do agree. And who cares about a few crumbs on the floor? I think you have my spouse's clone. I'm so sorry. Did he just bring home a box of ducks as a romantic gesture?

Random Ponderings said...

I have to say, I would love some duckies! They could eat up the crumbs from the floor! :0)
It's good to know that I'm not the only person out here who has a husband with issues. Thanks for cheering me up!

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