Sunday, September 30, 2007


Oh, it feels so good to take a break! Finally! Work is really going to kill me one of these days. Speaking of...I know this topic sounds really sick and twisted, but hey, what else can you expect from me? I just have to say that I have found my second to last final destination after I take the big old plunge.

I know, you’re thinking this topic might jinx me, but I’m writing it anyway.
I live a few blocks from this funeral home I’ve fallen in love with. Every time I drive by with my children in the car, I tell them ‘look everyone, it’s my funeral home. Wave!”
They think I’m demented. I call it being positive.

I must get it from my Mom. She and her husband purchased their plots already. They live in California and bought their plots in Chicago. After purchasing their plots during a visit, they took pictures of themselves standing on them, smiling and waving, then sent them to me! How sick is that? Pretty damn sick I tell you!

So here are a few photos of my funeral home. I don’t ask for much. I’m never materialistic, (my toilet paper fetish does not count). I never got the wedding of my dreams. (Either time). I didn’t get to buy my dream home. I could go on, but why be negative. My new goal is to be extremely positive, starting with looking forward to going out in style! I keep bringing this funeral home thing to the attentions of my family and friends hoping that someone will remember in 60 or so years that this is my dream funeral home. Isn't it beautiful? Go ahead...Click on the photos to enlarge them and get a good gander! Gander...where did that come from? I'm already talking like an eighty year old!

Even the hearse is beautiful.

The building is beautiful. The grounds are always beautiful.

If you’d like to start sending donations now, please do. Why wait until the last minute? People always ask for donations when someone dies don’t they? A little too morbid? Take a look at these photos and tell me you wouldn’t be just as excited.
I had always planned on being cremated, but if I could be put on display here, I wouldn't mind the thought of maggots later.

So here is my verbal wish online forever.
This funeral home, ballons, a picnic on the grounds, and a band. (no clowns please, unless they are from Cirque Du Soleil), pop corn and cotton candy.

So there it is: Write to me about where you can send the donations. :0)
I'M SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


bobbarama said...

Great post. Thoroughly enjoyed that. I should be stopping by more often. Have a great week.

Diesel said...

Are you sure that's not a B&B?

Maybe it's both. That would be cool. Then if you died while on a relaxing weekend away from home, they could just bury you right there.

Zoning Out Again said...

Bobbarama~ Yes sir you should come by more often. It would help if I posted more often though! :0)

Zoning Out Again said...

Diesel~ Great idea! I hear the company may be in the process of switching hands. I'll have to throw that idea out there!
Heh heh heh! There could be theme suites such as; a test the coffin theme with a mock wake or a mortuary embalming suite theme, or a cemetery suite where you sleep in a mock grave! (Indoor or outdoor!) The possibilities are endless!

rjlight said...

I have to agree with you it is the nicest funeral home I've every seen. Most are so sterile and boring, cold, dead. That one has such life!

Captain Smack said...

That's funny, I was just thinking about my own funeral last night. I was thinking that I could be laying in a catapult instead of a coffin, and then end of the service, they just cut the cord and I go flying off into the woods. That would be fun, wouldn't it? Most funerals are so stuffy and depressing, ugh.

So you grew up a Jehovah's Witness, that's interesting. Now, which are they? Are they the weird ones? Or the really weird ones? I get all those off-shoots mixed up.

I'm just kidding, I would never make fun of someone's religion or anything, that's just not my style *cough*

How about karaoke? Can we do karaoke at your funeral? Maybe get an Elvis impersonator to run the thing. And of course you can't have karaoke without liquor... hey this funeral is really starting to sound like fun. I'm with you on the "no clowns", thing. Clowns would somehow cheapen the whole thing.

Zoning Out Again said...

Thanks rjlight,
It actually cheers me up when ever I drive or walk by. They must think I'm weird because I'm always grinning from ear to ear when I walk by.

Zoning Out Again said...

I once had the bright idea that it would be cool to have my body flattened, dehydrated, stretched out and dried in the sun like a flag. Finally I wanted to be hoisted up a pole and flown at half mast, but then I realized that the two windsocks between my shoulders might gross people out a little.

Hmmm, catapulted into the woods! You really like being thrown into the shrubs don'tcha? Will the big biker dude whose boobie you pinched be the catapult rope releaser?

Yes, I grew up a Jehovah's Witness.
You mentioned “weird”. I guess it explains a lot about me! It's very holy of you by the way, not to make fun of religions given your avatar and what not.

Big YES on the Karaoke idea! I just request that there be a large projection screen with a pre-recording of me singing "I'm So Excited" by the Pointer Sisters.
(BTW, I'd take the "IT" clown over an Elvis impersonator any dark, spooky night in a parking lot alone!)

Theresa said...

ZOA, it's good to have you back, even if it is to blog about such a morbid subject. That is a nice-looking building, despite what it's used for. Halloween is just getting to you, isn't it? ;)

Zoning Out Again said...

I guess Halloween is getting to me, but I've always loved that building. It's so cheerful!
I mean, who feels happy when they walk by a funeral home?
I wonder what it looks like inside, I think to myself.
I suppose I would really jinx myself if I went in to take a tour.

Maddy said...

Clearly you are of Irish descent - what you're looking for is a wake!

Zoning Out Again said...

Hi Maddy!
You actually wouldn't know by looking at me, but I do own a drop of Irish decent!

Wakes can be fun!?! Right?
No, not really, what the heck am I talking about. It's not fun when your the living and attending it.
Then again, I'm sure the person in the coffin isn't having too great a time either. I'm just going to stop right there. I've been hanging out with Captain Smack too long!

Theresa said...

You're not seriously thinking of taking a tour are you? ZOA, are you still there? Can you hear me? ZOA...Oh no, I think she took the tour!

Zoning Out Again said...

NO, No tour YET! Though I have heard from people that it is as beautiful on the inside as it is on the outside. I really would like to see it from the outside of a coffin. :0) I'll take pictures Kay! :0)

Casdok said...

It is a lovely house.
And its good to be organised!!

Cunning Linguist said...

I'm not into the whole death thing. It creeps me out. Well, except when I think of all the fun things I can do while everybody starts weeping. Maybe have a little "press me" button at the casket. Have it say different things. "I never liked you" or maybe "You were my favorite, not that one sitting down already". You know, just to jack with people. Possibly insert one of those little servo motors in me that fakes it to look like I'm still breathing. That would be cool too.

Nothing beats the idea a buddy of mine had. Arm hooked up to a string so that when you kneel on that little pad thingy, it'll pop up and wave buh-bye. Now that's the epitome of getting in the last word. I want that, but I want them to extend my middle finger. Would that be wrong? :D

Anonymous said...
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Theresa said...

So people actually do come out again?

Zoning Out Again said...

Yes, they do! I think I'll be safe! :0)

Theresa said...

I think you should do that before Halloween, it might make for a pretty scary post, especially if you get in a picture of a coffin.

Zoning Out Again said...

YES! Maybe I can go down to where they do the embalming and the make-up to get a few on-the-job photos. I'll do a little slide show thingie with music! :0) You inspire me theresa!

VE said...

As long as they don't leave the seat up in the bathroom. The dead HATE that!

Zoning Out Again said...

Hey who you calling DEAD? Is that a reference to women mister? :0)

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