Tuesday, June 19, 2007

HUSHIE-UPPIE!!!


I have finally mastered the art of blowing off telemarketers, bill collectors, salesmen and Jehovah’s Witnesses in the nicest way possible. I’ve always been the type of person to get reeled in and on countless occasions I’ve been held hostage by all of the above.

I could never bring myself to get rid of them in the quickest way possible for fear of hurting their feelings. Unlike my father-in-law who takes rudeness to an awesome level. Jehovah’s witnesses would come to his door and he’d scream at them saying “I told you people to stop bothering me!” then would slam the door in their poor faces. Real nice pops! That actually brings back some bad childhood memories. Wait a minute, I need a moment in my happy place.


Okay I’m better.
Anyhow, I’ve been working myself up to the best and easiest way to get these people to step off. :0) Nicely~

For telemarketers and bill collectors I like to entertain myself by getting them to hang up on me. I answer the phone in my most childlike voice (which for me is not a huge stretch) and I say “I’m sorry my Mommy and Daddy aren’t home right now, do you want to talk to my turtle? Why? He wants to talk to you. But he’s going to cry! I’m telling my Daddy! What’s your name and telephone number? Are you a pedophile? Have you seen Dateline?” They end up hanging up on me! Works every time and it usually stops repeat calls.
I love it!

Sometimes I’ll get a really overzealous or rude person who calls, (you know the obnoxious personality who just won’t allow you to hang up or won’t take no for an answer?) I’ll let them think I’m interested, quietly set the phone down and let them run their spiel. I could nip it in the bud, but because they are so hyper-motivated, I feel sorry for them.

Sometimes it seems that some of these sales people might get some sort of credit for just the right amount of dialog they pop off. They ramble on and on at a 100 words per second. If they cram it all in maybe their victim might happen to be a speed listener and will have a change of heart instead of feeling highly annoyed. I don’t like to let those personalities down. I might ruin their day. Waste their valuable time by interrupting every few seconds by quickly spitting out “no thank you”, “I’m sorry but I’m not interested”, “I’m not allowed to make the decisions in my house, trust me I'll be beaten”, “using your product is against my religion”; So I just let them do their thing, meanwhile, I put the phone down and walk off to do mine.

I think it’s nice of me! Okay it’s a little mean but it beats getting upset, slamming the phone down and feeling bad about it later.

I’d been snowed the year before by a very fast talking door to door salesgirl who wouldn’t take “I HAVE NO MONEY AND I MAY LOSE MY HOUSE NEXT MONTH” for an answer. Even after, “WE HAVE NO FOOD THIS WEEK!” she just kept going on even though I kept saying "no".

Then my girls came over and she roped them in: “let me ask you girls something, wouldn't you use these educational products to help you get better grades? They are really cool computer programs that are more like fun games”. She stooped to the worst level! I was outside gardening and therefore didn’t have a door to slam. Not that I would have even if I had access to one, but I wanted to in the worst way. (In my mind it was a Scrubs scene where I day-dreamt that I slammed the door in her face a 100 times). Anyhow the girls said “oh yeah, we could definitely benefit from those!”
“See they can really use them” she said. I should have told the girls, “Oh you can definitely use them? Okay good, all you need to do is pay the nice lady $80.00 cash. Instead I felt like a major heel and the worst parent in the world. (wow, heel was a serious grandpa word wasn't it?).
$80.00 + 12 weeks later when the cds arrived, we looked through them and found that they were basically complete sloth-crap, so now the cds are used as an expensive dust trap.

I’m going to illustrate for you below, my favorite new thing to do to door/door salespeople. I tried it the other day and it worked like a charm! This guy was ridiculous! He was a “college kid” selling the very same educational material as the salesgirl the previous year.


Salesman: Hi, do you have a moment to take a look at some educational products for your children?

Me: Thanks but I bought the very same products last year and we were really disappointed with the quality.

Salesman: Well can you just take a look to see some of our new products? They’re new this year.

Me: No thank you, really we weren’t happy, and your products aren’t exactly inexpensive.

Salesman: Can you just look for a second, my boss says I have to show you this.

Me: Nope. Won’t do it and you can’t make me!
(For a second there I thought he might hit me.)

Salesman: Just look at this one page *flips open book to a page*
*then looks up to see me holding my hands over my eyes and plugging my ears with my thumbs while singing la la la la la, not looking and not listening to you~ la la la~* He ended up laughing and finally left! See, we both got a good laugh instead of feeling bad and my wallet was spared.

Sheez, some of these poor starving souls need a brick house to fall on them. I don’t use the same sales tactics and my bank account reflects it. I just don’t have the personality for that. Don’t get me wrong I can be obnoxious and annoying but only towards my friends and family. It’s why I’ve decided to start the nursing program where I can actually help people and feel needed.

23 comments:

Reign said...

that's a very nice way of saying no,i should try it for my self and see if it works,haha, nice post!

Captain Smack said...

I never have door to door salespeople come to my house, and I wouldn't answer the door anyway if it was someone I didn't know, you never know if it's actually the FBI, they are always bothering me, them and the CIA.

As for telemarketers, I usually try to sell them something when they call. I start talking about timeshares, that usually gets them off the phone. I did once get a date with a telemarketer who called, so I guess they're not completely useless.

Zoning Out Again said...

Reign~
You can really entertain yourself doing this way. You may even get a date out of it like Captain sicko below you! :0)

Zoning Out Again said...

Captain Favorite Blogger~
Leave it to you to get a date out of a telemarketing call.
I'd love to hear your conversations with telemarketers, they must be hilarious!

Diesel said...

I'm going to let you handle them from now on. I have 3 vacuum cleaners and 6 religions.

Zoning Out Again said...

Diesel~
Wow! I thought I was soft!

bobbarama said...

Nicely done. If that doesn't work next time ... try this!!

:)

Like your blog. Like your style.

Dan said...

Nope. Won’t do it and you can’t make me!

LOL! You're awesome with these ideas! I'd love to hear a recording of you imitating a little girl on the phone with a telemarketer. That would be a great blog post!

Happy Birthday Ms. June 26th. I'm a day early, but we Cancerians hate being late! Hugs and kisses to you!

Zoning Out Again said...

Bobbarama~ Thanks so much for the kind words! I like your blog too! Great stuff over there!
I especially love the little character you use in your logo!
I like to think we bear a slight resemblance. :0)

Zoning Out Again said...

Dan~
Hey There Birthday Compadre!
Thanks for being the first well wisher! It's only fitting as we share the same day!
Yeah, I'd have to figure out how to put an audio clip into my blog to do the telemarketing vs. little Sybil bit. As it is, I've been trying to figure out how to put the full 1 hour show of the Trading Spaces episode that my neighbor and I were on a year ago. That would be so cool to do if I knew how. YouTube doesn't give you that much time do they? Oh well, someday I'll figure a way to do it. Thanks again for the sweet birthday greeting!
I love your blog immensely!

Zoning Out Again said...

bobbarama~ HA HA HA! I checked your link out and that was hilarious. (not that you can hear what's in my head right now, but for some reason I'm typing this comment with a southern drawl in my head voice. That guys accent was contagious! Just wanted you to know that).
Funny stuff man! Thanks!

Dan said...

Thanks for the kind words on my blog! Wow! You were on a one-hour show? Yes YouTube limits it to 10 minutes. I supposed you can chop it into 6 pieces ... or post a 10-minute segment which is the one where you are in the most?

Theresa said...

That is just too funny. I have to try some of this stuff sometime. We get a lot of telemarketers these days and I just get so fed up that they won't take no for an answer. With Mormons and Jehova's Witnesses, telling them you are a druid works like a charm.

Zoning Out Again said...

dan~
Yeah, it was a really cool experience! They treated us like celebrities and we got a huge make over in one of the largest rooms in our house! I still can't believe we made it on! :0)
Next I want to try Spouse Swap. :0D

Zoning Out Again said...

theresa~
Yeah, some of these people are CRAZY!!! I shouldn't be too hard on them though. I tried telemarketing once and it was an INSANE job. I HATED it!
Poor sales people! And don't get me started on religious door to door'ers. It brings back some childhood memories. :0(
I just hide.

Working Girl said...

I got a couple of LOLs from this post. Thanks. I am also a nurse with a varied work history...good luck in nursing school.

Zoning Out Again said...

Working Girl~
Thanks so much! It's good to know that someone is chuckling out there! Chuckling, ha who says that anymore right?

Goldie said...

This is beautiful. I'm going to use this one from now on: "I'm not allowed to make the decisions in my house, trust me I'll be beaten".
As for me, I've been keeping it short and sweet so far. If it's a phone call and they're asking for me, I tell them: "She's not home right now, may I take a message?" My husband says I shouldn't be lying to them like that. So, if it's him they ask for, I promptly put him on the phone and leave him to fend for himself.
For the door-to-door guys... get a dog. Seriously. And it doesn't have to be a large, menacing dog. Our Sheltie works just fine. In fact, anything that barks will work fine. Now that I think of it, maybe you should try barking at the door yourself, see if it makes them leave.
Liked your site, keep up the good work!

Zoning Out Again said...

Ha ha ha! Goldie I love your advice! I love that you put your husband on the spot like that! That's awesome! Heh heh, A girl after my own heart!
I could try the barking thing myself, but I'm sure I'll end up sounding more like a Yorkie than a menacing dog. I do have two dogs who bark at the sound of a caterpillar slinking by. Salesmen never let them bother them though. They just keep harassing us. They’re relentless like zombies from “Night of the Living Dead”. Thanks so much for stopping by, it was a pleasure! Come again! I promise I won't mistake you for a salesperson. :0)

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