Wednesday, July 25, 2007

MAN NIPPLES......

The other day I was 'chillin' in my back yard with my daughter and our dog Max. As she was rubbing his belly, much to his delight, she pondered out loud “why do male dogs have nipples?” I replied “Well, human males have nipples too. Hmm, why do males have nipples? There’s really no purpose for them, right?”

My daughter is the female version of Cliff Clavin from Cheers, so I figured she would give me some long detailed explanation on the purpose of male nipples. Much to my delight at the time, she had nothing. It’s been a few days now and the question still flickers in and out of my head, as if I don’t have enough to think about.

So does anyone out there have a good explanation for what purpose male nipples serve? The question takes me back to that one time when God created Adam. You remember that time right? Anyhow, I wonder if Adam started out WITHOUT nipples…and then along came Eve.

In my mind, male nipples may have come about a little something like this:
(I’ve illustrated a cartoon for this, but I’m too busy these days to dig out the scanner).

Adam: Here ya go lord, here’s the rib.
God: Alright, let me see what I can come up with.
~POOF~
Adam: Hmm, cool. But she looks a little too much like me.
Isn’t there something you can do to make sure you can tell us apart?
God: I see your point. How’s this?
~poof~
Adam: o000O00OH, Adam likie!
What are those? Ya know, I think I would like a set for myself.
God: No, I don’t think so.
Adam: I want em!!! I want em!!! I want em….
God: FINE! Poof~ There ya go.
Adam: Ohhh, they’re really uncomfortable.
God: Okaaaay How about….that?
Adam: Muuuuch better! Now what are they for again?
God: I was hoping you were going to tell me.
Adam: Hmmm. Can I have some wings too.
God:Your really pushing it!

OKAY I KNOW YOU HATE YOUTUBE CLIPS BUT THIS IS FUNNY!
And besides, it isn't YouTube it's JIBJAB. :0P

25 comments:

mcewen said...

Oh yes very good! I googled that same question after you emailed me.
How you find the time with three teenagers and work I can't imagine!
So which teenagers photo did you use for the top left hand corner?
You little baby face you.
Cheers

Zoning Out Again said...

mcewen~
Oh Psshaw! You blushin me! :0)

Captain Smack said...

I don't know why other guys have nipples, but I use mine for entertainment purposes. I know some guys pretend like they're not in touch with their nips, but I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy a little nipple play myself.

But I would guess that they are probably there because it would look really weird if they weren't.

bobbarama said...

I have obviously been remiss in not stopping here more often. You are pretty hysterical. And that video was pretty funny, too. Thanks for the fun!

:)

Oh, by the way. Why male nipples? (I'm sorry to give away the secret, guys!) We typically tie some twine from one nipple to the other --- forming a clothesline --- so we can hang our laundry out to dry. Saves money. We're creative like that.

Zoning Out Again said...

Captain~Why does your nipple play not surprise me? :0) Hee hee.
It would only look weird because we're used to them being there.
Think of the extra space you'd have for tattoos!

bobbarama~Why thank you for the kind wordage my friend!
Great explanation on what you guys use your nipples for. Just another unfair advantage men have over women!
Gravity inflicts us with some pretty mean effects. I can't imagine assisting it any further with heavy wet clothing on a line.
Mine would drag on the floor and defeat the whole purpose.
:0P

Miss Smack said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dan said...

LOL! the explanation and the video are hilarious.

I would LOVE to see the cartoon you drew. One of these days! :)

Zoning Out Again said...

Hi Dan,
So glad you're back from Vaca!
Yes one of these days I'll get my lazy but up and drag out the old scanner. I need to start putting some funny illustrations up!
Who am I kidding??!!!?? I can barely get a post out once a week.

Cunning Linguist said...

males have nipples so that the females can have them. The species cannot propagate (sp) without both X and Y chromasomes having qualities that need to be passed down. I.E.; if the males do not have nipples, the females cannot and therefore cannot breastfeed. The same with belly buttons. On males they have no purpose but to keep your butthole screwed on but without them.... no umbilical cord for the woman to supply nutrient to the fetus.

But I digress.... like the good captain says. Purely for entertainment purposes for yours truly. ;)

Zoning Out Again said...

Cunning Linguist~
HEH? All I know is that I don't have a belly button anymore after giving birth to 3 children!
So sad! So let me get this straight. Men have stuff, just so that we women can be permitted to have similar stuff just so we can go through all of the major pains in life? SO UNFAIR!

Cunning Linguist said...

I smell a question for the good Captain's blog coming from you about this. If it makes you feel any better none of us would be able to take out the garbage porperly without the incessant whining of a woman somehow. There, feel better now? :P

Zoning Out Again said...

Cunning~
No I don't feel better...But if it would make you feel better if I say I feel better, then I'll say I feel better so we can all feel better.
How's that? :0D

Matt said...

There are a lot of practical tips here for male nipples. I think I'm under-utilizing mine.

Zoning Out Again said...

Matt~
First off, good luck over there at diesel's place.
Second, are you brushing your teeth in your avatar?

Okay back to your possible nipple use. I dunno, maybe you could rent them out. For what, I'm not sure, but I'm sure Captain Smack would have a whole lot of ideas that are not at least rated PG17 and therefore cannot be doled out here.
I'm sure you'll come up with something on your own. :0) Glad you stopped by!

Cunning Linguist said...

Matt ~ regarding the holidays. I have only on word for you. Tinsel. Think about it.

Zone ~ I feel better you fell better so that I feel better oddly enough. Group hug.

Zoning Out Again said...

Cunning~ I'm glad we're all feeling better. I'd feel better if I had a drink!!!! So which one of you gets the foot rub?

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Nany said...

great post about MAN NIPPLES...... I have a question the man can suffers of inverted nipple??? or this disease is only in women?

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