Re-Posting from the Archives Again. :0) (Hey, Xmas is around the corner!)

I’m not the type of person who needs very much in life.
As long as the bills are paid and no one is threatening to shut anything off or take something away, I’m a very content person. Oh yeah, food in the house is a plus. Sure, I won’t lie and say I don’t love technology, cool gadgets, fixing up my home and things of that sort, but materialism isn’t something I’m addicted to. I could live without it. It doesn’t take much to please me at all. In fact I’m the happiest person on earth when all I own is security.

Like for instance, the security of toilet paper. Nothing makes me feel more like I have a million bucks than a 36 roll package of quality toilet paper. I feel like…life is beautiful owning that much certainty. Just knowing you can go anytime and not have to hold it or worse, search for something similar, is pure ecstasy.
You know what I’m talking about! Don’t act like you’re above it. It happens to everyone. Not men though, in the case of #1, because you can just shake it off. But for females, it’s a double shot. (don’t even get me going about how females got the short end of the stick (no pun intended) in terms of bodily functions). That is a totally different tangent.

Anyhow, back to the abundance of toilet paper and cloud 9.
I am just thrilled beyond belief when I bring home a GINORMOUS package of toilet paper. Crack has nothing on double rolls! I take it all out, fill the cabinets that are positioned right in front of the toilet until they are jam packed and then I top it off with a huge pyramid I like to call QUILTED HEAVENLY PEACE OF MIND. I could sit and stare at it for hours. The cabinet doors are glass, so it’s just a wonderful view during every experience in the bathroom.

This is what makes me such a great person to buy presents for. I would love to receive a GINORMOUS package of toilet paper for Christmas. You would think my husband would figure this out and use it to his advantage, but no, as usual he has to go against the grain and come home with a measly generic brand, 1-ply 4 pack. I know he does it to annoy me! We have 5 people in our house. 3 of us are female ‘for you know whose sake’! So, dearest of family & friends out there who are reading this, especially those of you who shop at Sam’s or Costco, when you’re strolling the paper isle (or skipping as I do) think of me. Try it out for yourself. You’ll call me and thank me! By the way, my birthday is coming up in June and my favorite brand is Cottonelle. Splurge, I’m worth it! :0)

Does God Get Sick of Suck Ups?

I'm getting back into the blogging swing of things and decided to start out the lazy way. I'm pulling some of my older posts out and re-posting them. Sort of like re-gifting only not as politically gross. Here is one of my personal favorites, because I now truly understand the answer to my question in this past post.
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Lately I've been so thankful for everything!

I find myself saying thanks to god for the smallest of things.

So much so that I feel like a total suck up.

"God, thanks for sending that flock of birds just now, I needed that".

"God, thanks for giving me a seat with a wonderful view while I work my second job performing mindless oopma-loompa-like work". Update: "Lord thank you for the new business that I love, love, love!"

"God, thank you for letting me get the last banana Popsicle. You know how these greedy people in my house can be".

"God, thank you for making me slam on my breaks, when that firetruck almost wiped my daughter and I off the face of the earth. (Well that one was legitimate).

"God, thank you for keeping me from killing my husband." (I guess that's a big one too).

"God, thank you for the invention of toilet paper, because really, what would we do without it?"

My thank you prayers get pretty ridiculous at times and the other day I thought to myself, "when does giving too much thanks become sucking up?" Is God up there screening his prayers because of me and people like me?

I can picture him saying " GEEZ ALREADY!" Or "Oh for My sake, not this one again!" or "this one is really clogging up my voice mail! Peter, can we put this one on the DO NOT PRAY LIST?"

Well, I guess I'll find out

if I ever when I get up there, won't I?

Update: My answer to this question is "No!". He never gets sick of us! He wants to hear more in fact! It beats the whining and complaining that's for sure!

SHOT GUN!!!

"MOOOOOOM! I called SHOT GUN and she's running out to the car to sit in the front. I called it first and she knows the rules! Please tell her to get out of my seat!!!!" the other one argues: "No Mom, she called it like...15 minutes before we were walking out the door, the rule is 5 minutes, I did that last time and you made me get out of the seat!"

These people are teenagers for crying out loud!!!!!

Honestly, not only does this phrase "I CALL SHOT GUN" shrivel my very soul to dust every time I hear it, but it makes me want to go out and buy one! Not to use on anyone in particular.....except maybe myself.

One day we were in church and in the middle of the closing prayer, they both at the same time passed me scribbled notes proclaiming their "Shot Gun" positions. I resolved to say "You're both sitting in the back seat. God called SHOT GUN before you did!"

It was the best ride home I've ever had! I glanced back grinning from ear to ear, watching them both sitting in the back seat, trying to sit as far away from one another as possible.

It was a perfect solution! Me riding up front with MY music blaring and God riding SHOT GUN. :0)

WHY CAN'T WE HAVE A NORMAL FATHER'S DAY?

Better yet, a normal Father.
Let's just say my husband is the one smiling vertically!
I'll say no more.

BALDING BY THE MINUTE!!!

Well people.....it's that time again in my life where I tear out large patches of hair from my head, chew my fingers down to the nubbs and grow a ginormous stress belly.

Another one of my off spring has decided to proceed with turning sixteen next month. No matter how huge an internal conniption fit I throw, she still insists on going ahead with it.

Next month one of my sweet little girls will be driving!!!!!!

Driving me insane that is!

I thought it would be a breeze when I taught my son to drive; Little did I know I should have worn adult diapers and taken a couple of those cute little pills before I left the house each time we went out.

It was truly one of the most disturbing experiences of my life and I LOATH having to do it again! LOOOOAAAATH IT! ...and then I have to do it again next year for 'thank the lord' the last of the brood! Honestly, I would rather feel the pain of childbirth for a month. I'll even give up the smorgasbord of drugs they so kindly provide! Can I still get some of those for this occasion? Okay, okay. I'll wait to take them after each lesson. Whaaaat? I'll have a designated driver! Sheeeezz! For those of you men who've never experienced child birth let's say, 'I would rather take a sledgehammer to the old egg pouch'.

Anyhow, not only is this wonderful child (who can barely walk without falling or stumbling into something painful), planning to operate a moving vehicle amongst unsuspecting drivers, pedestrians and possibly farm animals; she is also planning a Sweet Sixteen party to commence in a little less than a month.

I'm supposed to attend my 20 year reunion in August.

I am destined to look like something from The Hills Have Eyes!

At least I'll have something to come back here and vent about for the next couple of months.

PLEASE SEND ME SOME DRUGS! PLEASE!!!!!

Oh and a special shout out to my mom for the wonderful curse she put on me!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks a lot! Love you too!!!!

(YOU SHOULD BE SENDING ME SOME DRUGS!).

Get your daily dose of crack over at Humor-Blogs!

TOM JONES INSURES HIS CHEST HAIR FOR 7 MILLION DOLLARS!

What the hell is this world coming to? Hell.
Exactly that. I can't believe they insured him given the high melanoma risk. Not that I'm speaking that into existence for TJ.

What exactly might happen to this incredible chest hair and who gives a rat's you know whattie? Shouldn't his hair be gray by now? Does he dye it? I wonder if that was asked on the health screening questionnaire. Is it even possible to dye chest hair?
SEVEN MILLION DOLLARS FOR CHEST HAIR???
Can I insure my chest hair? Eww. I kid!

What constitutes submitting a claim?
A small brush fire breaks out spontaneously? Lice move in and claim squatters rights? What about all that hair that resides below his chest and what about the hair on his back? Maybe he should buy a little more insurance. What if his hair dye and tanning oil combust?

Who's boarding the silly train next? I can see it now.......
'SIMON COWELL INSURES THE STICK UP HIS BUTT'.

I'll stop before we're all bathing in a puke bath. Miss you guys! I'm back from my hiatus! A little grouchier these days, but I'll be back with short and sweet posts. Maybe.

I've been gone so long I think I fell off the HUMOR-BLOGS list!

I REALLY HATE GREEN PEAS WITH A PASSION!!!

(Not all peas mind you. I don't mean to offend any of you pea lovers out there.
I do love snow peas!)
That's all. Just wanted to share that.
Happy New Year Everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!