BOOOOOOOO!

DUE TO A STRONG LACK OF HUMOR THIS WEEK,

MOOD MANAGEMENT HAS REVOKED MY MOTIVATION TO POST.

STAY TUNED FOR NEAR FUTURE REACTIVATION!

~GROUCHIE

THE 411 ON TODAY'S INTERNET SLANG

The other day I caught part of a new cell phone commercial where a daughter is talking to her mom using Internet lingo and the mom understands it but responds in regular English so the audience knows what the heck the kid is saying.

I thought about some of the comments that my daughters post on their myspace, which some of it I understand but most of it is like hieroglyphics.
Now that I know what it all means, I love to torture the girls when their friends are over, by talking like they do. Their friends think I'm 'mad off the hook', but the girls cringe.

I asked a couple of experts (my teenage daughters) to give me a break down so that I could post a little 101 here for those of you who share my illiteracy. Some of it is a little vulgar. It was funny because the girls censored themselves in their descriptions. (They aren't allowed to curse. I wouldn't even bend on 'Crap') :0)

Here it is. Some of it is obvious. Some just ridiculous.

Basics:
LOL: laugh out loud
JK: just kidding
ttyl: talk to you later
sry: sorry
thx: thanks
w/b: write back
OMG: oh my god
OOMG: ooh, oh my god
IDK: I don't know
til: until
BTW: by the way

Intermediate:
sup: what's up
ur: you're, or your
jus: just
iight: Alright
ayo: hey 'yo
g2g: got to go
brb: be right back
nvm: never mind
w/e: whatever
LMAO: laugh my ass off (personally I think they should be using (LMBO) 'laugh my butt off)".

Advanced:
nmxjc: nothin much except just chillen
hop off: Stop hatin (stop being mean)
swagga jackin: copying someones style
fall back: back off, stop what your saying or doing
imma: I'm going to (I'm gonna)
ily: sick or cool
cnt: can't
Grille: face
Holla Back: get back to me

Foul:
WTF: What the "Expletive"
n/h: I really don't even want to go here, but basically when someone says I love you to the same gendered person, then they write n/h meaning they don't mean it that way.
w/e :0)

I'd like to make a few up of my own when I talk to my kids and their friends.
Here is an example of me commenting their friends on their myspace page telling them that the girls can't talk on the phone or get on myspace for however long I've grounded them for:


AYO Ev1: (ev1 is every one)
Sup? It's Blah and blah's Mom Mrs ZOA. (Zoning Out Again)
sry but dey won't be able to holla back 'atcha bcuz dey iz grdd.
So dnt call dey celly, or call R crib, dnt com ovr and don't w/b.
Dnt be hatin, it's all good. and don't be swagga jackin any of my new wordz!

imma fall back now. peace lbrz. (little brats)
1lub,

Mamma ZOA

I am SO not even going to try to run spell check on this post! :0) PEACE!

BY THE WAY..THESE ARE CROCUS

Double click the image to get the full effect.

The grass hasn't come in yet, but the Crocus are in full bloom! Little cuties!

{I really need to get to bed!}

DON'T PEE ON MY CROCUS!

Spring is finally here in the North East!

(I say that in my whisper voice just in case).
All of my babies are starting to bloom. I love gardening! I find myself doing a lot of things I thought I wouldn't do until I turn 50 but here I am, WAY ahead of time. Actually, I feel like I've regressed to the age of 5. Still playing in the dirt and loving it.

Until about 2 years ago my super hero nicknames were "The Black Thumb" because I killed everything I got my hands on (plants) and "Virus Fingers" because the antiquated Macs at work were crap, but it was easier for those co-worker-haters to blame all of the crashes on me. Hurtful haters! :0) {you know who you are and you know I Luz you!)

'Black Thumb' was an unfair label because no one ever told me water was a key element for growing things. I'm a California native...we had water usage restrictions and everything green out there is staged! If you are out watering your lawn in Cali, you may as well be out beating your dog in public. Break out the hose and you can surely expect picketing.

The first year that I became addicted to growing stuff out here in the east,(not that stuff), I started a planting frenzy. I found myself sneaking out around 11 pm to water everything in the dark. Finally, I asked my neighbor if people were offended by "watering" like they are in Cali. The answer is no and so I am free to unload all of the liquid magic I am willing to pay for.

So far, this spring is different and I haven't had to break out the hose yet. After a recent storm flooded many spots in our region, (Thank God our home is not located in a flood plain), it delivered just what my babies needed. The landscaping throughout our neighborhood has started to flourish and everyone is starting to feel Spring Fever.

Everyone, including my dogs, who want to assist in watering everything that I wish they won't notice. Why must they go straight for the good stuff? My poor little Crocus are so vulnerable! Pee is not good for Crocus! Or anything for that matter. If I didn't have to let these plant wreckers back in my house I would pee on them myself to show them how it feels. Although with my luck they would like it. (the dogs, not the Crocus).

Dogs are gross like that. (Isn't Crocus fun to say?)

Well, I'm pretty wiped out from the crappy 2nd job. Getting home at 10:30 PM after working all day, and then jumping on the computer to stalk diesel, of http://www.mattresspolice.com/ and staying up until 2:30 am is starting to wear on me. Can you not tell by the post I just finished? Look over to your right; that's what I look like right now!

I'll be back tomorrow to:

First, look for diesel's new CAPTION CONTEST.

{You'll have to use the link above because I haven't learned how to link words yet}. and 2nd; get my new post up.

I'm planning on doing a nice little breakdown on today's slang and IMing lingo that the kids are using to exclude us old timers. Now-a-days it's like the need to learn Spanish.

Time to drift off and dream about the coolest shout out I've ever received. Ever, ever. YES. EVER. I've been on cloud 9 all day after reading 'Thursday's Shout-Outs' by diesel on http://www.mattresspolice.com/. diesel gave some very cool bloggers (along with me) mad props! (Mad Props: An abundance of Accolades, acknowledgements, ego stroking, etc.)

Race you guys to diesel's place tomorrow! (or in my case later today).

I NEED TO TAKE OUT A LOAN TO BRING MY FAMILY TO THE MOVIES!

I can remember going to the movies A LOT when I was a kid. Drive-ins were the best! My dad would put together a picnic to support his famous fried chicken and we'd all pile up in the car for the evening. Sometimes we'd go with family or friends and park side by side to make it a small party. $5 bucks per car! Remember that? Ah the good old days!

I can't remember the last time I was able to take the whole family out to the movies. Drive-ins are a dead breed out here in the East. We're left with the over priced movie theaters usually located in the mall where you need an entourage to help you make your way through the crowds of teenagers and senior citizens (It's still up in the air on who's rowdier).

Okay, so the price of tickets are understandable, but the food?
I don't know why I even bother to walk up to the counter and look at the menu.
I'm left feeling livid every time! You need to take out a small personal loan just to go see a movie and grab a few goodies to pack the face. My Mom says, "you should go to dinner first". Okay that's nice but the whole tradition of the experience is to pack your face with hot buttery popcorn, slurp away on your cola and even if you aren't hungry, force down some juju bees!
There's nothing more satisfying than watching, chomping, picking stuff out of your teeth, and washing it all down with some ice cold highly carbonated fructose and corn syrup. I SEETHE at the counter as I ask myself WHY DIDN'T I HIT THE CONVENIENT STORE before I came in? I can usually fit a couple of small candy bars in my purse. I don't usually do it though because I feel so guilty! I'm paranoid as I pay for my ticket and I feel like "THEY KNOW".

Movie theater popcorn is my biggest pet peeve!
There are so many sizes now. Super Tiny, Tiny, Snack Size Small, Regular Small, Mini Medium, Regular Medium, Large, Jumbo and GINORMOUS. The smallest size starts out at $5 BUCKS!

I'm a smart-ass by nature so I have to catechize the poor sap behind the counter with questions like; How much for a handful? How much for a sip of coke? I only have $5 dollars on me, can I get a handful of everything and a couple of sips of Mountain Dew?

What really bothers me the most about the cost of pocorn is that it's ALWAYS COLD!!!!!!!!! Maybe I could justify the cost if it were THE GREATEST POPCORN ON THE PLANET! Kernel-less like boneless wings. Hot and buttery would be a plus. These days instead of popping new batches, they let it sit until it's all gone. Cold and lard coated. Blah! It's not just the theater in our mall. It's everywhere! I can't get passed the thought that a box of Movie Time - extra butter - microwavable popcorn with 20 bags only costs $1.99 in the grocery store, and chances are I have some at home! Can't sneak that in...they would smell it!

I can't afford to take my family so we all go separately.
My kids go with their friends.
My husband doesn't go at all.
And I go with me, myself and I.
(It's a good thing they don't know about all of my personalities, otherwise I'd never be able to afford it).
Don't even get me going on the candy!

I have friends who bring a picnic with them. INTO THE THEATER!
My girlfriend told me that one time she was eating ice cream...wait a minute I said, "Ice cream? They sell Ice cream now?" and she said "no silly, we stopped and each got ourselves a pint of Ben and Jerry's!"
"What about spoons?" I said
"I keep them in the bag with the 2 ltr bottle of soda".
"How big is this bag, Geez?" (my heart starts to race with excitement and all of a sudden buckets of fried chicken and a flick seem possible again).
"It's like a beach bag, I can fit a lot of stuff in it." she said.
"I guess so! Listen, what are you doing next Thanksgiving?"

Too much stress and hard earned mula to watch a movie these days! I'll just continue go grocery shopping and rent my movies.

I HAD A NAME TRANSPLANT!

Just to let you all know,
when I started my blog on blogger.com they gave me too many options for names.
I threw 3 different names out there resulting in the usual confusion that is commonly associated with everything "me". I was trying to be snazzy and ended up confusing everyone with my multiple names which are not unlike my multiple personalities.

I had Obsessive Ponderings as the title of my blog.
Random Ponderings as my screen name.
And Zoning Out Again for something else of which I can't remember.
Then when I discovered Humor-Blogs.com my link name became Zoning Out Again even though every time I left a comment somewhere I was Random Ponderings.
Are you confused yet? Good. That's always my plan!
Anyhow, I am streamlining everything down to one name.
Zoning Out Again. No longer Random Ponderings.
So there.

MORE LETTERS FROM A NUT...

I've always loved Barnes and Noble. When we lived in San Diego, it was one of my favorite spots to spend endless hours. When we moved here to NY, the closest B&N was 45 minutes away.
About a year or so ago we finally got one right here 5 minutes from home.

Our Barnes and Noble provides a Cheesecake Factory and the usual Starbucks which makes it extra awesome. It's funny because my husband used to make fun of me for spending time there, but as he's growing up he's come to find the same love for the place.

The other day, I found myself feeling pretty B&N'd out, however just when I thought I had no other subjects to be obsessed about I wandered into the humor section. Why haven't I visited this isle before? I bought this really funny book by Ted L. Nancy (which is rumored to be a pseudo name for Jerry Seinfeld). Everytime I pick up the book I can't stop laughing. He wrote these outlandish letters to real businesses and they all responded. Most were serious, some were funny in response, and some had me wondering if they had even read his letter at all.
My husband refuses to take interest and many people who know me think my sense of humor is juvenile. I don't really care though.

I spend the most time with myself and I really enjoy my own company and the company of my many personalities.

I'll share these with you.
Here are a couple of the letters from 'More Letters From A Nut'.


560 No. Moorpark rd. #236
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

Sep 4, 1996

Dining Room Reservations
SUTTON PLACE HOTEL
4500 MacArthur Blvd.
Newport Beach, CA 92660



Dear Reservations Booker,

I belong to a Male Tickle Club. We want to hold our Tickle Meeting at your restaurant. There are approximately 51 males who are ticklish. We come in 16 cars. We DO NOT engage in any tickling of each other at these meetings!

We gather once a month at various restaurants to hold our meetings. I am in charge of finding the place that best accommodates our needs. There is NO tickling at these gatherings. Just discussion about tickling. (Fingers, feathers, paper, light bamboo, etc.). If someone is caught tickling, they are dismissed. You will not be subjected to any behavior where there is tickling going on. These rules are strictly enforced. NO TICKLING!

We need the following:
125 pounds of shrimp
116 garlic rolls
22 paper tickle aprons (only officers and guests get aprons)

Can you give me a figure or let me know who I talk to to discuss this?

We want to hold our next meeting at the end of September.

This is the best tickle weather. Please write with information so we can proceed. Thank you. Again, these are only discussions and lectures regarding tickling.

There is no tickling activity.

Sincerely,
Ted L. Nancy
Good Tickling


(The response letter was lame, I don't think they read his letter, so I'm not going to include it here)



560 No. Moorpark rd. #236
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

Aug 27, 1996

Reservations,
RHETT HOUSE HOTEL
1009 Craven St.
Beaufort, SC, 29902


Dear Reservations Desk,

I wish to check into your fine hotel on September 29, 1996 for one evening. I wish to stay in a suite. My problem;

I have an aversion to all germs. Therefore I travel with my own toilet seat and portable shower. I wear a body sheath when I sleep in a strange room. Can I be accommodated?

I will put down a protective splash when eating at your buffet. This protective splash will cover me and the area directly around me. It is similar to a tent, but I can see through it.
Will it interfere with other diners?

I believe I will catch the diseases of others if I do not protect myself. I wear a dribble poncho and use calf lining for my feet when I walk across the room. My hands are covered in knuckle gum.

I put a cellophane area around the toilet then put down my own toilet seat. I use cardboard over my head then sit down and relieve myself. This is the only way I can be sure that the diseases of others will not get me.

Please give me your best corporate rate for that evening and let me know that my special cleanliness equipment will be allowed in your hotel.

I have often heard that the Rhett House Hotel allows it's guest specialties to accommodate them. Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you soon regarding my September 29, 1996 stay.

Sincerely,
Ted L. Nancy

HERE IS THEIR RESPONSE LETTER:

(I don't have a scanner so I'm not scanning in their logo)

September 6, 1996


Mr. Ted L. Nancy
560 North Moorpark Road #236
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

Mr. Nancy,

We received your letter dated August 27, regarding the possibility of reserving a room on September 29. We do have rooms available for that evening, although we do not have any suites in the inn. Your best bet would be room 10 which is our deluxe room with a king sized bed, a private entrance and screened veranda and a jacuzzi.

We would be glad to accommodate you and your special equipment for the evening, I do not anticipate that your provisions will pose a problem to the inn or our other guests. However, none of us is sure what knuckle gum is and our only concern would be if it would stain the linens or bedding.

Feel free to call us at (803) 524-9030 for further information about our inn, and to discuss a reservation for the evening of September 29. We look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely,

Molly Wilson
Innkeeper

Hee hee... I love this book! I should recommend this one to D.

SLEEPLESS IN PULLED PORK HELL

It's 2:30 a.m. and I've been awakened by Sandman's evil twin, Mr. obnoxious insomnia.
(just to let you in on my sick and twisted mind right now, I've been sitting here wasting time, wondering if I should capitalize Obnoxious and Insomnia).

I hate it when this happens. I'm so tired, but the stresses of the day are racing through my head in my sleep resulting in more stress. It's pretty bad when you obsess behind closed lids.

I came home tonight from my miserable second job somewhere around 10:30 PM.
(Thank the Lord it's temporary). I was too exhausted to stay on the computer and write a blog, (which I've been desperately longing to do), so I quickly browsed through my favorite blog, MattressPolice.com. I needed a quick fix so I jumped on to see if there were any new posts, or interesting comments on Diesel's last post regarding the 'Caption Contest'. I was really hoping someone would have left me a sympathy comment after I shamelessly whined on about not making the top 10. I'm over being bitter about it. (sort of).

Anyhow, after dragging myself upstairs to bed and falling into an uncomfortable sleep for a few hours, I soon found myself staring into a dark abyss around 1 A.M., obsessing about work, the kids, the fact that there is no toilet paper in this house even though we just bought a 12 pack 2 days ago. WHERE DOES IT GO? I mean... I know where it goes, but GEEZ! Most people are disgusted about the rising cost of gas. I however am high-strung over the huge volumes of toilet paper that disappear in such a short amount of time! Alright, I've already blogged about how neurotic I am over toilet paper. I'll just say this; if I ever win the lottery, the first thing I'm going to do is buy my own toilet paper company and hire people to deliver daily. If I win a ridiculous amount of money, these delivery people are going to do so much more than just deliver!

It would be so much easier to just kick all of these wasteful people out of my house.

DAMN THE WHOLE MOTHERLY INSTINCT THING!
Thank God the pets don't use toilet paper.

Back to my never ending supply of awakedness. I just haven't slept very well in over 2 or 3 years. If I'm not being woken by Mr. Obnoxious Insomnia, then it's Mr. Obnoxious Husband.

Mr. O. H. loves to threaten everyone in the house, that if he is awoken, Armageddon will commence and we will all be dragged down into the fiery pits of hell where demons of severe torture will descend upon us like pedophiles on myspace to shred us like pulled pork for sandwiches. That should not have made me hungry, but now I am.

Anyhow, he can fall asleep in front of a blaring TV, usually something sports related, with all of the usual characters milling about in the house, who are most likely engaging in their usual activity of bickering back and forth about who snuck into whose room and took something so ridiculously inconsequential that you just want to set yourself on fire in the middle of the living room!
For those of you who don't have teenagers yet, this is what you have to look foreword to. Bickering, bickering, no toilet paper and more bickering.

So, back to Rip Van Stinkle. He can sleep soundly through all of this but once he wakes up and decides to take his sleeping antics upstairs to bed, we are all subjected to a 15 minute "don't wake me up or DIE 101" tirade. I'm left, once again stressing out. This transforms me into a psycho 'I need an endless supply of Prozac' mom, SSSHHHuSHing everyone until I lose my whisper voice. Face is all contorted like one of those demons from Pulled Pork Hell. It's no wonder I'm so stressed in my sleep!

Then, Mr. Obnoxious Husband, after he's gotten his sound sleep for the evening, wakes up at 5:30 am to get ready for work, but does he follow his own rules of "DWMUOD 101"? NOOO! It's the perfect time to stomp around the house like 'Big Foot does The River Dance', loudly singing stupid songs to the pets, talks to me or who ever while we're sleeping about lame random stuff, slams doors, more stomping around, grumbling about the lack of toilet paper, etc.

Well, isn't blogging just great? I should feel better now but I don't. Now I really can't sleep because I'll be obsessing about Mr obnoxious husband and his double standards.

It is now time to subject myself to watching Beauty and the Beast.

Here is something about me you didn't know.

Every time I watch a really scary movie like 'The Ring',

(YES THAT WAS SCARY!) I have to watch something to offset it like The Little Mermaid or Beauty and the Beast. It makes me happy. Most often I still can't sleep, but at least I'm not crapping my pants, resulting in more toilet paper usage. Goodnight. Or Morning I should say.

TOO POOPY TO POST

I'm not posting a post tonight because I'm feeling crabby, moody, melancholy, fatigued, unmotivated and just plain lazy. I won't do it... and you can't make me.

So there!

I'll be back to do it tomorrow. Miss me lots! :0*