Friday, April 13, 2007

SLEEPLESS IN PULLED PORK HELL


It's 2:30 a.m. and I've been awakened by Sandman's evil twin, Mr. obnoxious insomnia.
(just to let you in on my sick and twisted mind right now, I've been sitting here wasting time, wondering if I should capitalize Obnoxious and Insomnia).

I hate it when this happens. I'm so tired, but the stresses of the day are racing through my head in my sleep resulting in more stress. It's pretty bad when you obsess behind closed lids.

I came home tonight from my miserable second job somewhere around 10:30 PM.
(Thank the Lord it's temporary). I was too exhausted to stay on the computer and write a blog, (which I've been desperately longing to do), so I quickly browsed through my favorite blog, MattressPolice.com. I needed a quick fix so I jumped on to see if there were any new posts, or interesting comments on Diesel's last post regarding the 'Caption Contest'. I was really hoping someone would have left me a sympathy comment after I shamelessly whined on about not making the top 10. I'm over being bitter about it. (sort of).

Anyhow, after dragging myself upstairs to bed and falling into an uncomfortable sleep for a few hours, I soon found myself staring into a dark abyss around 1 A.M., obsessing about work, the kids, the fact that there is no toilet paper in this house even though we just bought a 12 pack 2 days ago. WHERE DOES IT GO? I mean... I know where it goes, but GEEZ! Most people are disgusted about the rising cost of gas. I however am high-strung over the huge volumes of toilet paper that disappear in such a short amount of time! Alright, I've already blogged about how neurotic I am over toilet paper. I'll just say this; if I ever win the lottery, the first thing I'm going to do is buy my own toilet paper company and hire people to deliver daily. If I win a ridiculous amount of money, these delivery people are going to do so much more than just deliver!

It would be so much easier to just kick all of these wasteful people out of my house.
DAMN THE WHOLE MOTHERLY INSTINCT THING!
Thank God the pets don't use toilet paper.

Back to my never ending supply of awakedness. I just haven't slept very well in over 2 or 3 years. If I'm not being woken by Mr. Obnoxious Insomnia, then it's Mr. Obnoxious Husband.

Mr. O. H. loves to threaten everyone in the house, that if he is awoken, Armageddon will commence and we will all be dragged down into the fiery pits of hell where demons of severe torture will descend upon us like pedophiles on myspace to shred us like pulled pork for sandwiches. That should not have made me hungry, but now I am.

Anyhow, he can fall asleep in front of a blaring TV, usually something sports related, with all of the usual characters milling about in the house, who are most likely engaging in their usual activity of bickering back and forth about who snuck into whose room and took something so ridiculously inconsequential that you just want to set yourself on fire in the middle of the living room!
For those of you who don't have teenagers yet, this is what you have to look foreword to. Bickering, bickering, no toilet paper and more bickering.

So, back to Rip Van Stinkle. He can sleep soundly through all of this but once he wakes up and decides to take his sleeping antics upstairs to bed, we are all subjected to a 15 minute "don't wake me up or DIE 101" tirade. I'm left, once again stressing out. This transforms me into a psycho 'I need an endless supply of Prozac' mom, SSSHHHuSHing everyone until I lose my whisper voice. Face is all contorted like one of those demons from Pulled Pork Hell. It's no wonder I'm so stressed in my sleep!

Then, Mr. Obnoxious Husband, after he's gotten his sound sleep for the evening, wakes up at 5:30 am to get ready for work, but does he follow his own rules of "DWMUOD 101"? NOOO! It's the perfect time to stomp around the house like 'Big Foot does The River Dance', loudly singing stupid songs to the pets, talks to me or who ever while we're sleeping about lame random stuff, slams doors, more stomping around, grumbling about the lack of toilet paper, etc.

Well, isn't blogging just great? I should feel better now but I don't. Now I really can't sleep because I'll be obsessing about Mr obnoxious husband and his double standards.
It is now time to subject myself to watching Beauty and the Beast.
Here is something about me you didn't know.
Every time I watch a really scary movie like 'The Ring',
(YES THAT WAS SCARY!) I have to watch something to offset it like The Little Mermaid or Beauty and the Beast. It makes me happy. Most often I still can't sleep, but at least I'm not crapping my pants, resulting in more toilet paper usage. Goodnight. Or Morning I should say.

11 comments:

Diesel said...

Ok, ok, I'll leave you a sympathy comment. Geez, you're a demanding stalker.

I would much rather watch Sleepless in Pulled Pork Hell than Sleepless in Seattle. Maybe that will be the sequel. Meg Ryan looks like she lives in PPH these days.

Random Ponderings said...

Thank you! I just needs a little attention! :0) Okay alot of attention! And yes I am a demanding stalker but at least I'm consistent!

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