Saturday, April 14, 2007

MORE LETTERS FROM A NUT...




I've always loved Barnes and Noble. When we lived in San Diego, it was one of my favorite spots to spend endless hours. When we moved here to NY, the closest B&N was 45 minutes away.
About a year or so ago we finally got one right here 5 minutes from home.

Our Barnes and Noble provides a Cheesecake Factory and the usual Starbucks which makes it extra awesome. It's funny because my husband used to make fun of me for spending time there, but as he's growing up he's come to find the same love for the place.

The other day, I found myself feeling pretty B&N'd out, however just when I thought I had no other subjects to be obsessed about I wandered into the humor section. Why haven't I visited this isle before? I bought this really funny book by Ted L. Nancy (which is rumored to be a pseudo name for Jerry Seinfeld). Everytime I pick up the book I can't stop laughing. He wrote these outlandish letters to real businesses and they all responded. Most were serious, some were funny in response, and some had me wondering if they had even read his letter at all.
My husband refuses to take interest and many people who know me think my sense of humor is juvenile. I don't really care though.
I spend the most time with myself and I really enjoy my own company and the company of my many personalities.

I'll share these with you.
Here are a couple of the letters from 'More Letters From A Nut'.


560 No. Moorpark rd. #236
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

Sep 4, 1996

Dining Room Reservations
SUTTON PLACE HOTEL
4500 MacArthur Blvd.
Newport Beach, CA 92660



Dear Reservations Booker,

I belong to a Male Tickle Club. We want to hold our Tickle Meeting at your restaurant. There are approximately 51 males who are ticklish. We come in 16 cars. We DO NOT engage in any tickling of each other at these meetings!

We gather once a month at various restaurants to hold our meetings. I am in charge of finding the place that best accommodates our needs. There is NO tickling at these gatherings. Just discussion about tickling. (Fingers, feathers, paper, light bamboo, etc.). If someone is caught tickling, they are dismissed. You will not be subjected to any behavior where there is tickling going on. These rules are strictly enforced. NO TICKLING!

We need the following:
125 pounds of shrimp
116 garlic rolls
22 paper tickle aprons (only officers and guests get aprons)

Can you give me a figure or let me know who I talk to to discuss this?

We want to hold our next meeting at the end of September.
This is the best tickle weather. Please write with information so we can proceed. Thank you. Again, these are only discussions and lectures regarding tickling.
There is no tickling activity.

Sincerely,
Ted L. Nancy
Good Tickling


(The response letter was lame, I don't think they read his letter, so I'm not going to include it here)



560 No. Moorpark rd. #236
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

Aug 27, 1996

Reservations,
RHETT HOUSE HOTEL
1009 Craven St.
Beaufort, SC, 29902


Dear Reservations Desk,

I wish to check into your fine hotel on September 29, 1996 for one evening. I wish to stay in a suite. My problem;

I have an aversion to all germs. Therefore I travel with my own toilet seat and portable shower. I wear a body sheath when I sleep in a strange room. Can I be accommodated?

I will put down a protective splash when eating at your buffet. This protective splash will cover me and the area directly around me. It is similar to a tent, but I can see through it.
Will it interfere with other diners?

I believe I will catch the diseases of others if I do not protect myself. I wear a dribble poncho and use calf lining for my feet when I walk across the room. My hands are covered in knuckle gum.

I put a cellophane area around the toilet then put down my own toilet seat. I use cardboard over my head then sit down and relieve myself. This is the only way I can be sure that the diseases of others will not get me.

Please give me your best corporate rate for that evening and let me know that my special cleanliness equipment will be allowed in your hotel.

I have often heard that the Rhett House Hotel allows it's guest specialties to accommodate them. Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you soon regarding my September 29, 1996 stay.

Sincerely,
Ted L. Nancy

HERE IS THEIR RESPONSE LETTER:

(I don't have a scanner so I'm not scanning in their logo)


September 6, 1996


Mr. Ted L. Nancy
560 North Moorpark Road #236
Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

Mr. Nancy,

We received your letter dated August 27, regarding the possibility of reserving a room on September 29. We do have rooms available for that evening, although we do not have any suites in the inn. Your best bet would be room 10 which is our deluxe room with a king sized bed, a private entrance and screened veranda and a jacuzzi.

We would be glad to accommodate you and your special equipment for the evening, I do not anticipate that your provisions will pose a problem to the inn or our other guests. However, none of us is sure what knuckle gum is and our only concern would be if it would stain the linens or bedding.

Feel free to call us at (803) 524-9030 for further information about our inn, and to discuss a reservation for the evening of September 29. We look forward to hearing from you!

Sincerely,

Molly Wilson
Innkeeper
Hee hee... I love this book! I should recommend this one to D.

8 comments:

Gawpo said...

Sholy hit! I love going back to a new person(to me, anyway)'s blog and digging into the earlier posts. Sometimes I get to be the first and only comment. And lookie here!

I am not a good practical joker. I always feel sorry for the person on the other end of the joke. Don't know why, that's just how I have always been. Remember that cruel "my grandmother doesn't have any hands" one? My friend became really angry with me for not joining him in the "joke." But I have to admit that these are some funny letters.

Anonymous said...

Hello. And Bye.

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