Sunday, May 6, 2007

MY CHILDREN INSPIRED ZONING OUT!


Isn’t that just straight up terrible of me to say? I can’t help it!
Sometimes you just have to depart from mental reality when it seems there will be no end to the incessant chatter. I learned to use this very valuable skill/state of mind a long time ago.
I think I remember learning it around the time the kids were still in diapers. Any on-going crying for no apparent reason induced me into a comma-like-state-of mind which allowed me to escape insanity for many fun filled hours at a time. :0)

I’m just kidding, it wasn’t that far back, but I did learn to zone out around the time that the children decided to master the art of bickering and babbling about pointless stuff
(I almost said “Pointless Drivel” but I think there’s a copy write).

I love my 3 children more than life itself. There isn’t anything I won’t do for them. I support them in everything they do, try to spend as much time with them as I can between multiple jobs, and just plain love to hang out with them whenever they are asleep.
(half kidding again).

HOWEVER, in my quest to be as loving and caring as a mother can possibly be, sometimes my brain just can’t absorb it all. Sometimes my brain just shuts down and escapes to a land where different thoughts reside. Other thoughts that don’t include;
“MOOOOM, she used my brush and now her putrid hair is all over it!”, or “MOM she called me anorexic again….yeah Mom but she called me a fat load first”. Or “Mikey stole my rap and he keeps saying he made it up”. (Excuse me, but I wasn’t aware that you are getting ready to launch a new Rap CD. Call your attorney and have him send your 18 yr old brother a letter telling him to cease and desist or else.)

Here is an example of my day which warrants Zoning Out.

~I come home from working all day, knowing there are still many tasks to take care of before I can answer the beckoning of my sweet, warm and cozy bed.

During dinner I usually engage the kids in a discussion about their day by asking how it was.
(I don’t really want to know. Okay, yes I do, but I always hope for the shortest version).
(I sound like such a guy right now don’t I? I sure don’t blame my husband for ignoring me all these years. THAT’S WHERE I LEARNED IT FROM!). Ah, something else to blame him for! :0)
Anyhow, I have 3 kids who have a lot that happens during the school day, so most often our discussions turn into press conferences.

How many years does it take for people to learn that they have to wait their turn???
I got tired of reminding them, so as my brain started to zone out on it’s own, I found myself holding 3 conversations at once.
(It’s incredibly amazing how many adults I run into who act like kids and do the same thing).
"CAN’T YOU SEE THAT I’M HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH SOMEONE?
HOW OLD ARE YOU?"
Anyhow, that’s a different rant.

At the dinner table I ask each of my kids, “So babe, how was your day at school today?” (in my sweet mommie voice, and not the usual I HAVE A TON OF WORK TO DO SO MAKE IT QUICK tone that a mean mom would use).

Usually, I just want to know about the important facts.
“How did you do on your tests today? Did you turn in your homework? How was lunch? You spent how much time in the nurses office again even though you weren’t really sick?”
Instead of the short simple answers to my actual questions the answers snowball into stories similar to ‘why one of them and a friend had started a “let’s trip each other in the hall game and see who goes down the hardest” tangent. (Shouldn’t that be a game for boys in..…well….any grade really?!) Naturally there would be a 30 minute lecture on why that isn’t going to continue.

It’s amazing how fast the evening hours go by! Three interviews like this with all of the other usual shenanigans and before I know it, it’s 11PM. I thought it would a little easier when you have teenagers. My girls are so cute because they still want to be tucked in every night. I love that. It gives me a little more time to talk and spend another hour trying to escape from each of their rooms so that I can finally sit back to relax at 2AM. :0)

I’ve accepted the fact that I can’t kill my husband for getting me pregnant, or kidnap and hold myself hostage on a secluded island somewhere in the West Indies. I realize that the bickering and just plain motor-mouthing my already gridlocked mind is something I’m going to have to live with as long as I own ears.

Zoning Out is the alternative. It’s become an art form! I didn’t realize I was doing it until the kids pointed it out. I don’t mean to be so rude, but it beats thinking or God forbid saying out loud..... “SSSSHHHHHHUTTY!” or "Guess what? I bought some Shut-upsicles! They're in the fridge, go get one."

It’s my brain’s fault! That’s what I tell them. In a very familiar tattle-tale-tone I say
“HEY SO AND SO, MY BRAIN IS ZONING OUT AGAIN AND IT WON’T LET ME LISTEN TO YOU ANYMORE! DO SOMETHING!!!"
They just roll their eyes and leave the room.
I love turning the tables! Is that mean? Oh well.
You’ll be doing it someday and you’ll thank me for the tip!

If you weren’t Zoning Out during this entire post, leave me a comment. I promise to pay attention! For the first part of it at least~ :0)

17 comments:

Theresa said...

"Shut-upsicles", now that is brilliant. I wish I had some of those sometimes. Man, between you and Diesel I am going through lots of pants (if he tells me to go commando, I swear I'll go over to his blog and... well, I'd better not write that here). Zoning out is one of the most useful tools we have as mothers, at least we stay sane. I love my kids too, but sometimes they just drive me up the walls, so I blog or I zone. And, hey, if you're waiting for them to learn to wait their turns, you'll have to wait until they have kids of their own.

Zoning Out Again said...

I can't wait until my kids have kids of their own! Actually...yes I can.
What I meant to say is that I can't wait to enjoy the curses I've put on them!
It's gonna be a great show! You'll have to come over and watch with me! If it's too far of a trip, I'll just write about it and post pictures.

BOSSY said...

When Bossy's son was three he used to look into Bossy's zoned-out face and sing-song, "Mom-may: Vare Arr Yew?

Mr. Fabulous said...

You still said "Pointless Drivel".

Black helicopters full of rabid attorneys are headed toward your island fortress as we speak.

Kuanyin said...

ZZZZZZZ.....oh, NOT zoned out, realllly! This is my first time visiting...so Alooooha!

Zoning Out Again said...

Bossy~ Your son sounds nice! My kids used to throw their dirty diapers at me to get my attention!

Fab~ I found a loophole! I meant to say POINTLESS DRIBBLE! Oh too late..the rabid attorneys are here!

kuanyin~ WELCOME!
Keep coming back! I won't be as boring next time! :0)

Theresa said...

Thanks for the link, only just realized it was there, you can see my brain has been zoning again (due to shopping angst). As you can see we are once again out of the running in the caption contest at you-know-who's blog. Maybe we should start playing hard to get, that usually works.

Zoning Out Again said...

I think you're right! He hasn't even come back to my page in DAYZ!!!! :0D

Diesel said...

For a second there, I thought I wasn't going to make it into this post. Good to see all is right with the world.

I love my kids when they're asleep too. Thank God for Nyquil, huh? Or as we call it at our house, "bedtime juice."

Zoning Out Again said...

diesel,
OH GOOD YOU CAME BACK!!!! :0)
You know you can't keep a psycho like me waiting for too long!

In our house we used to use Jack Daniels in their baby bottles!

Minka said...

ok, better make this short:

I loved this rant and thnaks to Theresa for bringing me here :)

go zone now!

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